The only true statement you can make is: “I am”.
You exist, it is undeniable.
Everything else is related to the “I am this and that”, which is
actually an identification with a social rank, role, life story, on which our
identities are often based on: “I am an office employee, a 28-year-old woman,
mother of two” – and so on.
Of course, if I were not an office employee and the mother of two, I
would still exist. My life path, my current life would be different;
nevertheless, I would still exist. That “something” in me that knows-feels that
“I am” remain unchanged in time: “I” perceived my existence as a child, free
from social roles the same way as an adult, who “turned into someone”.
The
knowledge of “I am” and “I exist” follows you through your lifetime.
The conscious recognition of “I am” – however overused it may sound for
the mind –means the discovery of a new dimension: the mystery of the depth of
existence opens up for you. This is why the conscious awareness of the “I am”
is a basic consciousness-exploring method of the Advaita Vedanta, for example.
As a kind of preparation, you may wonder what this statement means: “I
am, I exist”. You formulate the words, the make the statement that you “are”,
then realize: “whoa, I really exist!”. And when you had a deep and solid
experience of this “I exist, I exist, I exist” consciousness, you no longer
contemplate it, but let this thought go and what remains is the notion of the
feeling of existence.
Let yourself enter the notion of “I am” to understand that beyond the
thoughts – the thoughts, which are otherwise labeled by our thoughts simply as clichés
– there is a dazzling depth.
I recommend a meditation or practice for this:
Take a comfortable position and relax. Take a few deep breaths and watch
the way the air travels on: as it enters and leaves you through your nostrils.
Loosen up!
Watch the “I am” feeling in
yourself.
You should know that the consciousness of existence has always been with
you – it has never happened that you did not exist. This “I am” consciousness
has accompanied you throughout your life so far.
Pay attention to the consciousness of your existence, feel that you are
present. If any thoughts or feelings disturb you, remove them and return to the
roots of the “I am” sensation. Keep constantly returning to the “I AM”
consciousness and reject any content that appears in your mind.
When you identify yourself with any of your roles, you have to know that
they are only illusions – you exist beyond the roles that you are willing to
play. If the role you are playing were not your role, you would still exist.
Return to sensation of your existence, this is the only fundamental,
everything else is just acquired and momentary identification. Focus solely on
this “I am” sensation, which is a timeless presence. When you spend time in the
consciousness of “I am”, you get into a state which cannot be described with words,
it can only be experienced at first hand.
You exist, you are here and now,
focus on this!
This existence looks out through your eyes and looks at the world. This is what moves your hands and legs, breathes,
understands your thoughts, and feels your emotions.
Do not ask, do not try to find an explanation
to who or what you are: you are who you are, an eternal mystery, an awakened
existence, the manifestation of Life itself. Turn your attention away from the
experience and to the one who experiences!
What could be more important: the ever-present observing
consciousness or the ever-changing experience?
Discover yourself through the “I am” sensation. You are. You exist.
Direct your attention to the consciousness of your existence. Keep the
sensation of “I am” in your mind, melt together with it until your mind and the
sensation become one.
Feel your existence, your presence! Feel what is inside you and knows
that it exists.
(Excerpt from the book "Mindfulness Meditation - Journey into Consciousness" by Ervin K. Kery)
