We imagine
how our ideal, favorable selves would look like, and we create a mask (or as
the specialists of the soul say: a Persona) from the features, which we find
nice. The mask of the perfect husband, wife, family dad, family mom, ideal
friend or colleague.
Driven from
our beliefs and firmly held opinions, we build an image of ourselves and we
present it to our surroundings: “I am a God-fearing family man or woman, I go
to church every Sunday.”, “I am an exemplary absentee of work, my boss handles
me exceptionally”, “I am so clever”, “I am well informed, because I know what
happened today in politics.”
We censure
our features, which oppose our (ideal) images of ourselves: “I cannot feel or
think this way, because it is not right – it goes against my convictions”, “I
cannot do this, because it would not correspond with the image created about
me” – and we entirely exile them into our shadows: all my features, which I
regard with disgust and loath, disappear in my “shadow-personality”.
So, if I
hate someone, maybe I am only doing it, because they did not return my love.
The unreturned love can easily turn into hatred. My extreme reactions show that
the features, which I hate so much are also present in me, but I exiled them
into my own shadow-personality, I declared them as unwanted.
No wonder I
became disturbed: I no longer live as one person, but inside me lives the dream
of my ideal, my desired “self” and its counterpart at the same time: the
not-me, the embodiment of all my hated emotions, thoughts and my deeds – the
shadow of myself. I fight you, while in reality, I fight my own shadow, my
hidden, shameful personality.
When we
meet someone, one of our fellow humans, we set our attitudes according to what
we see through the glasses of our prejudices. “I already know him – I know, that
he is like this and that. Light-minded, not trustworthy, treacherous,
dangerous” – we tag him.
“He is not
like me. He believes in things, which are not important for me. He is so
strange, different from me” – we isolate ourselves from people with different
beliefs.
Sometimes
we isolate ourselves so much that in the name of “our only holy belief” we are
capable of drawing a sword and killing the one, whom we, as a matter of fact,
should love.
Is it not
strange? Sometimes we only long to meet with someone, so we can measure,
compare, label and judge them. Because the little “selves” in us, the egos love
to compare things and it feels good to them, when they can call themselves
superior, more beautiful, better, smarter, more successful than the other
fellow human. The ego is racing, and the
stake is this: I am better than you.
Me > You
But it can
happen, that it takes place the other way around, when “I” look up to the
other, because they are better, more beautiful, more successful – secretly I
envy them. I may even have inferiority complex – I am not as worthy as they
are.
Me < You
Whatever
formula has the ego, which feeds on judging uses, the point is that it cannot
treat the other as an equal partner of the same rank and level, only in a sub-
or superordinate relation.
We connect to each other through our mind-made
notions created about others.
Not a man
meets another man, not a soul meets another soul, but the notions and
imaginations created about each other collide. “Come, let us meet, because my
ego needs it!”
Some people
make compliments to us – but we keep
acting as we are uncomfortable, even though they are secretly very flattering.
We
like those, who say nice words about us.
Some people
hurt us, they put our embarrassing features into spotlight, those attributes,
which we judged as unwanted, and so we maintain a hostile attitude towards
these people. The quality of our meetings is always defined by the labels and
preconceptions about the other person.
But the truth is, we are just the same. The
same consciousness, which is receptive to life and alert, shines behind our
eyes we, differ only in the outward forms of our personalities.
Me = You
The
greatest gift you can ever give on a meeting: your complete, undivided
attention towards your fellow human.
If you
listen your fellow with acceptance and mindfulness, new dimensions will open up
for you: you will see in your fellow the suffering and rejoicing person, the
nice and the beautiful.
Because
everybody is beautiful the way they are: a unique and unrivaled blossom of
life. If you are receptive, you open up, your life will become more colorful
and will be filled with contents.
You develop
in yourself the qualities of sympathy, empathy and love. After a while, you may
just feel like giving a hug to the stranger next to you and saying: “I love
you, my dear fellow human! I love you, because you are just like me. You and I
are one.”
Make it
your habit, that you show your respect to your fellow humans by listening to
them with alert attention! When you meet someone and spend time with them, then
give them your complete and honest attention for this while.
Open up
yourself and completely accept the person you meet. When they talk to you, do
not form and polish the answer in your mind, but let the words enter you. And
then, in your relations,
not
the ego meets an ego, but a human soul meets itself.
You can
start the practice now.
Look your
fellow deep in the eyes, open up to them with honesty: “Hi there! I am here
with you and I am gladly listening to you!”
And then
respect them with all your attention.
This is all
what you have to do.
Attention
is primary and ultimate. Because You are the attention looking through your eyes as consciousness.
(Excerpt from the book "Mindfulness Meditation - Journey into Consciousness" by Ervin K. Kery)
